i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize