is your mom at the bar?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
