ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
