So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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