We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
