I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
