i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
