dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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