Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
