sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
