There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
