And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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