Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
