The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
