sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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