it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
