lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
