Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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