Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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