2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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