Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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