Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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