What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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