broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
