I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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