you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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