There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
