The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
