If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
