I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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