After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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