i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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