i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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