I skipped work to stalk him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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