if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
