For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm too high and old for this...
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