he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
