i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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