i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
