I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
