you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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