My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize