ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
