So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
