don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
