I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
