she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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