I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
