I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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