The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
