It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
