i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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