We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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