Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?

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(314): My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF? http://tfl.nu/cban

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.

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(615): I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance. http://tfl.nu/av3i

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.

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(828): I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse. http://tfl.nu/gxwi

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(905): View more from Ontario

Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech

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(905): Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech http://tfl.nu/je9d

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(915): View more from Texas

I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.

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(915): I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner. http://tfl.nu/j2to

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(631): View more from New York

I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.

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(631): I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise. http://tfl.nu/lz74

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.

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(843): I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship. http://tfl.nu/ax7l

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(515): View more from Iowa

Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.

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(515): Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him. http://tfl.nu/f51r

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(502): View more from Kentucky

i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple

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(502): i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple http://tfl.nu/806d

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(706): View more from Georgia

I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.

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(706): I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat. http://tfl.nu/8z1a

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .

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(203): Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes . http://tfl.nu/go9x

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(585): View more from New York

Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.

(1-585): View more from New York

How high are you?

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(585): Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies. (1-585): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/ixro

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(206): View more from Washington

just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them

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(206): just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them http://tfl.nu/w8ay

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(585): View more from New York

A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment

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(585): A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment http://tfl.nu/nqpl

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(256): View more from Alabama

I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.

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(256): I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though. http://tfl.nu/tmsk

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