I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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