i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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