Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
