I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
