he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
