Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
