its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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