can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
