She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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