Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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