Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
