3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
