chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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