Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
