Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
